A Thief's Tale
by Wynter Spite
Summary: One-shot. Ryou gets a history assignment for school. And wouldn't you know it, it's about ancient Egypt. He enlists the help of his yami in exchange for a favor, and so, Bakura tells the tale of a thief and a pharaoh. Um . . . which . . . wasn't actually what Ryou was supposed to write about, but okay . . .


**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I did, it wouldn't be about card games, of which I know nothing about. Except for Go Fish. I can do Go Fish.**

 **Title: A Thief's Tale**

 **Rated: T**

 **By: Wynter Spite**

* * *

Ryou frowned down at his history assignment. Ironically, he was supposed to write about ancient Egypt.

Beside him, the ghostly figure of his yami materialized. "What's that, hikari? School work?" He peered down at it. "Huh. Ancient Egypt? Really?"

Ryou eyed his yami's smirking face warily. "Yes. What about it?"

"You need some help with that, hikari? After all, you've got someone right here who actually lived there." Bakura crossed his arms over his chest, smirk growing wider.

Well, it would be a great help, but . . . "What do you want in return?" Ryou countered.

"Why, Ryou, you don't believe I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart?" Bakura placed a hand over his chest.

"What goodness? What heart?"

"The ones that don't exist. But anyway, I help you, I get one little favor. Just one. And you're free to refuse my request if you think it's too much." Bakura sat on his desk, leaning back on his hands and smirking down at him. "So, hikari? Is it a deal?"

Ryou chewed on his lip. It sounded as if he was getting the better end of the bargain, but wasn't that always what people thought when they made a deal with the devil? Still . . . he sighed. "I suppose it is."

Bakura's wide, toothy smile was alarming. "Very well. Let's get started. Ancient Egypt . . ." He folded one hand below his chin thoughtfully. "Once upon a time . . ."

* * *

 _Once upon a time, long ago, in ancient Egypt, there was a pharaoh. This pharaoh was much beloved, even though he was rather short. Let's call him Baka._

* * *

"We are not calling the pharaoh Idiot," Ryou interrupted.

Bakura glared at him. "Who's telling this story?"

He raised a white eyebrow. "You, but we're still not calling him Idiot."

Bakura grumbled something about damn cheeky hikaris who don't know their place, before finally conceding, "Fine."

* * *

 _Now, where was I, before a certain annoying light interrupted? *Glare.*_

 _Anyway . . . the pharaoh was much liked, blah, blah, blah, something about his small stature . . . what? He was short! Now stop interrupting!_

 _Hmm . . . let's call him . . . Atem. So, now that we've got a name for the pharaoh, let's get on with the real story. What? You thought this was all about some high-and-mighty midget with a lot of gold in his pointy hair? No, this isn't about the pharaoh . . . this is about a thief._

* * *

Bakura's eyes gleamed. "Let's name him . . . Akefia."

* * *

 **A Thief's Tale**

* * *

Akefia trudged through the sand, the heat of the Egyptian sun bearing down on him. Luckily, it would be night soon, and then the air would turn close to freezing.

On second thought . . . maybe that wasn't so lucky.

Muttering under his breath about stupid no-good pharaohs and their conceited priests, Akefia adjusted his hold on the bag of jewels he was lugging over his shoulder and walked on.

Fortunately, his secret hide-out wasn't far, located in a well-hidden cave. Once there, he pushed on a specific stone, causing part of the cave wall to open. He stepped through and dropped the bag of jewels on the ground so that his hands were free. It was harder to get the wall closed, but he managed it, complaining all the while of the people who'd built it. Couldn't they have used some other kind of mechanism to get it closed again, instead of making others have to use their hands? Damn builders. Damn pharaohs and their damn priests.

Once he'd finally gotten it closed, he turned to survey the room.

Gold. Gold. Gold, and, oh, look - more gold!

A satisfied smirk crossed the thief's face.

Life, at the moment, was good.

* * *

The damn pharaoh, of course, had to ruin it all. Specifically, by travelling away from his palace and then having to escape a sandstorm by hiding in the cave. And then one of his damn priests touched something he shouldn't have and caused a cave in, which then made one of his other priests have to push him away from a falling rock, which made him fall into the stone that made the secret door open. Being the only way to avoid being hit by plummeting rocks, he stepped into the passage. As if by Fate's will, the door was then summarily blocked by fallen boulders.

After staring at said blocked door for a moment, Atem blew out a breath and turned around to survey the room in a manner unconsciously like a certain man from earlier. And so, there was the pharaoh, with his priests on the other side of the wall, alone but for a vast array of gold and a thief.

But he didn't know that until he bumped into him while exploring the room.

That's where we are now.

* * *

Akefia stared down into the surprised eyes of the damn pharaoh. Who, it might be said, was still clutching his shirt, which he'd grabbed on to keep was flailing backwards. _And yes, I don't care if he's a pharaoh, he would flail_.

A small smirk began to form on Akefia's lips, and he leaned down so that his face was inches away from the pharaoh's. "Well, well. What's a little pharaoh like you doing in a dangerous place like this?" he purred.

Atem's surprise turned to wariness. He suddenly realized that he was still holding onto the thief, and his hand on his shirt loosened and began to draw back, but the thief's fingers were already curling around his wrist to hold him in place. "Now, now, pharaoh," murmured the thief. "Going so soon?"

Atem stayed still, holding his gaze steadily. "I am not here to fight with you, thief. I am simpy escaping the storm."

Akefia laughed darkly. "You eluded one danger only to find yourself wth another, hmm?"

Atem admitted to himself that that was a rather apt way to put it. "Leave me be, thief, and I will not bother you."

"At least, until you're safe in your little palace again, eh?" Akefia chuckled. "But see, the thing is, pharaoh . . ." He moved closer, laughter faded, lips spread in a wicked smile. ". . . I rather like bothering you."

Atem's eyes were wide. He tried to back away, but Akefia held fast, and-

* * *

"What is this?" Ryou interrupted. "BL?"

Bakura raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you want it to be?"

He blushed furiously. "No! This is supposed to be history!"

The tomb robber leered. "Oh, don't worry, I can tell you all about his-"

Despite the burning of his cheeks, Ryou gave him an annoyed look. "Not that kind of history."

Bakura sat back, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry, it's not. Just listen, and don't interrupt this time, alright?"

Ryou folded his arms across his chest. "Fine."

* * *

-and used his free hand to poke him in the stomach.

Atem choked.

"Aw. You're so cute when you're panicking."

"I - you - my - what?" he sputtered.

"And you're even cuter when you're unintelligible. Now, if only I could find a way to fix your mouth shut completely," Akefia mused.

"What the hell?" wondered the pharaoh in a moment of unusual crassness.

"What? Did you really think I'm going to kill you right now?" Akefia eyed him. "Or maybe you thought I might kiss you?"

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather you do neither."

"Well, I'm not gonna do the first, anyway. As to the second . . ." He grinned slyly. "I'll think about it."

The thief was just kidding about that . . . hopefully. With him, you never really knew, thought Atem with a sigh. And at the moment, he seemed strangely playful.

In fact, Akefia had had a few cups of wine. He was a cheerful drunk. Which was very lucky for the pharaoh, because that meant he probably wasn't going to be slain in a moment of murderous rage at the moment. Maybe later, when he came back to his sober homicidal senses.

Atem eyed the thief's slightly flushed cheeks and glassy eyes and hoped that that soberness was a long time in coming.

"Soo," Akefia drew the word out. "We're trapped in a secret room together. Alone. While a storm rages outside . . ."

"Where are you going with this, thief?"

"Sleep over!"

* * *

"Did they even know the word 'sleep-over' back then?" interjected Ryou.

"No. Now shut up."

* * *

"And what does one do at a . . . 'sleep over'?" asked Atem dubiously.

Akefia gave him a pitying look. "Man, you've been really deprived, haven't you?"

"And I suppose you have not been similarly deprived?"

"Well, my whole village was slaughtered when I was a kid, so yeah, I guess I have."

Atem looked at him in horror. "What?"

Akefia held up a glass of red liquid and said brightly, "Wine?"

* * *

Atem sipped from his cup. "And this is why you've been raiding our tombs?"

"They do say revenge is a dish best served when stolen."

". . . no, I do not believe they do."

"Oh." The thief paused, then shrugged. "Must've been something else, then."

"Indeed."

Akefia gazed at him. "Can I ask you something, pharaoh?"

"Of course."

Akefia's brow furrowed. "Why . . . are you so short?"

Just then, a nearby wall was blasted away, and one of the pharaoh's priests stepped into the room. "Great pharaoh, we've come to . . ." Priest Mahado stopped and stared.

Atem glanced at him. "Hello, Mahado."

"Great pharaoh, are you alright?" Siamun blundered in.

"Yes, quite."

"Pharaoh . . . what are you doing with that thief?" questioned Priest Seto quite sensibly, stepping over the rubble.

"Drinking wine."

Akefia hefted the bottle. "Want some?"

Priest Seto's lip curled. "I think not."

Akefia whispered to the pharaoh, "Touchy."

Atem gave a crooked smile. "I know."

"Why are you drinking wine with a thief?" interjected Priest Mahado.

"Are you questioning the company he keeps?" Akefia demanded.

"Yes," Priest Seto said flatly.

"Oh." Akefia shrugged. "Fair enough." He took another swig of the wine.

"Settle down." Atem waved a hand. "He is currently somewhat harmless."

"Yes, currently, pharaoh," Mahado pointed out. "He will not be so for long."

Atem and Akefia looked at each other. "True enough." Atem sighed.

"More wine?" offered Akefia.

* * *

 _And so, the pharaoh departed from the thief with promises of a rain check on that wine - and no, Ryou, it was not phrased quite like that - and thus, so did Atem set off for his palace with his priests at his side, answering patiently about why, exactly, they weren't dragging the thief off with them to throw into the deepest, darkest depths of their dirtiest dungeon. And try saying that three times fast._

 _Meanwhile, the thief . . ._

* * *

Akefia woke up and groaned. Clutching at his head, he made for the nearest gold basin. _What? It's not like he'd have a normal one._

Once done, Akefia groaned again and slumped to the floor. Slowly, things began to come back to him, and he furrowed his brows before stopping himself when even that hurt. "What the hell happened yesterday?" he muttered. He had the dreaded feeling that he'd done something horrifying . . . like making friends with the pharaoh or something . . . heh, but what were the chances of that happening?

A moment later, there could be heard a scream coming from a secret room in a cave before it abruptly faded to a low moan.

"Bad idea . . . bad, bad idea . . . stupid wine . . . stupid pharaoh . . . stupid priests . . . stupid . . . something . . ."

* * *

 _In that moment, Akefia vowed never to drink another bottle of wine ever again. It didn't hold, but it was the thought that counted._

 _So, kids, what have we learned from this story?_

* * *

"Don't drink too much?"

* * *

 _Don't make friends with stupid pharaohs._

 _The end._

* * *

Ryou stared at him. Bakura looked very pleased with himself. Finally, Ryou said, "That was it?"

"That was it? What do you mean, 'that was it'? That was a magnificent story, if I do say so myself! It would win awards!" Bakura defended.

"Okay. But you're supposed to be telling me about the history of ancient Egypt."

". . oh. Right."

"Right." Ryou sighed. "Now, let's try this again."

". . . long, long ago, there was a stupid-"

"Bakura."

"Ra! Fine! You're so boring . . ."

"Thank you."

* * *

Elsewhere, Yami was feeling puzzled. "Abou, what is a 'sleep over'?"

Yugi blinked at him. "It's when friends go over to another friend's house and stay the night. Why do you ask, Yami?"

Yami glanced out the window, musing, "I feel as if I've forgotten something . . ."

After a moment, he shrugged it off. After all, 'forgotten something'? Story of his life.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Yeah. I know I should be writing the next chapter of Heaven Forbid, but I just had an idea for this, and I had the inspiration to write it, so . . .**

 **This is a one-shot, but I might write a sequel for the favor Bakura will ask of Ryou. I have no idea what that favor might be, though.** **Anyone have any ideas?**

 **Also, in a lot of fanfics Thief Bakura is called Akefia, so that's what I'm calling him in here.**


End file.
